Five Blogs

I counted them on my way to writing this post, and I have that many, which astounds me. It shouldn't, because I created them all, but it does. This either proves my inability to maintain a single blog for long, or it shows my wildly changing focus. However, being my original blog, this is going to be a typical blog entry, so do bear with me if I bore you in parts.

Let's start with my self. I've started running, again, and I'm not covering great distances or beating my times but I am trying. Considering it's coming up to exams week and I've still been achieving about 2-3 runs a week I say that's quite good. I've tried eating healthier and not simply snacking as and when I feel like, and I've been successful in cooking well and eating regularly but the only thing that lets me down is my one true weakness; biscuits! I love them so much and a lot of the time I end the day with a cup of tea and a tub of the little buggers, chomping away. I one day will vow to slow down this terrible habit, but not yet. Maybe when I feel like I just can't get away with it anymore.

University is going ok, though I've lost a lot of the motivation and love for my subject. I just find mathematics boring. I always share the look of confusion when people ask me what I study because I know what they are feeling; I am feeling the same thing "Why am I doing this?" I don't really know what to do about it except grin and bear it and see it through. I do worry that I will end up doing abysmally out of it, and seeing as it's nothing to do with my career aspirations I think will it be worth it? But in this world you need a degree to even be on the same level as everyone else, not to stand above them like it used to be. Outside of scholarly matters, I am finding myself ever more excited for the extra curricular side of it. Particularly XTV and my current projects include a drama and a student ripoff of Come Dine With Me, both of which should be extremely fun. That's when I finally get around to doing them, they follow the exams which have been taking over my mind recently. After they;re done I will feel so relieved.

I've constantly battled with my own conscious about what I should be doing in my spare time. I'm content to watch TV, browse the internet and just do mindless and pointless tasks but the better part of me wants to try new things like learning new recipes, new skills, new crafts and I always find myself itching to write and draw but freezing anytime I am about to do them. Do other people deal with these sort of inner tussles? I wish I was stronger, and could get over things like my lack of 'stick-to-itiveness' and just see something through even if it sucks. I've done that with other things before and recently so why do I find myself incapable of doing it in other stuff?

I hope by writing these feelings down I can learn from myself some day in the future when I decide to read back upon my life. I hope this is the start of a new era in my personal story, one where I realise that I have to take charge of my own life in order for it to be better. I hope the 'Publish Post' button is magical to that effect. Here goes.